i’ve found that by picking up and plopping into a new place with new people, i’m learning a lot about myself. i’ve had dozens of conversations where slowly but surely, ah who am i kidding, very quickly and most likely inappropriatly, i’m leaking out stories about my past experiences. i’ve let out a solid collection of tales from past loves to past travels that is painting quite the cliff notes version of rachel jarman. i have managed to organize myself into a few categories
1. i’m a heart breaker
after telling the “abe-josh-randy” saga a few times and after getting a variety of reactions, i’ve realised that in retrospect i’ve lost a lot of compassion. while all the other girls talk of lost loves and heartache, i’m running down the list of men i’ve had. i’ve narrowed this down to either i date like a man or i have a selective memory when describing my relationships. i’ve noticed that i tend to leave out the months of anxiety and obsession and focus much more on the objectification of men. what am i trying to prove to them? or more importantly.. what am i trying to prove to myself? the answer is unclear but i’m getting a lot of strange looks.
2. i’m the samantha
steamy has certainly brought out the kinker side of my sexuality that’s for sure, but somehow i’ve managed to share that with my colleagues and my boss within the past two weeks that i’ve been here. no one should have to know what my shaving habits are or what it feels like to have ejaculate in your eye. especially not people that i have to share a cubicle with. this is the common oversharing rachel jarman quality that has not escaped the move to mississippi. i’m putting it in the group bonding category and this is how i get comfortable with people. but i’m going to try to lay of the pillow talk during lunch a bit when afterwards we have to discuss the talmud. yikes.
3. i’m an exclusive
you know even moving to a new place not knowing anyone, i still have that exclusive gene. it’s not in full swing but i feel myself bonding with certain people over the non-bonding of others. it’s not a great quality, another one i’m trying to squelch but again, one that followed me from the high school/college habits of having great exclusive close friends.
in other news i’ve been having some boy revelations and turns out i’m way into steamy in ways i never thought i would be. we had a small talk and i concluded that at this point in my life, i’m not really interested in a serious relationship but that what steamy and i are doing is the ideal. simply knowing we are there for each other isimportant to me right now and he is really special.
alright, well that was my small inner monologue about my small little world. photos to come!
